Kelly.

Religious follower of the
Detroit Red Wings.
I threw an octopus once.
Special Ed teacher.
Previvor.
Boobless as of May 9, 2014.
I've got a bunny named Howie.
I really like jellyfish.
Living in a motherless world since '02. 


What doesn't kill me had better start running.

vegan-vulcan:

raccoon-eater:

lacigreen:

lalatinafeminista:

toomanyfuckscrusader:

hiddlefun:

cloudcuckoolander527:

talisguy:

Signal boosting in case anyone needed to know this. 

This is informative as heck. Show this to everyone!

This is actually some great info! Why can’t they teach this kind of thing in school??

Wow, I’ve taken health and sex ed three times during my educational process and never learned any of this. Thanks.

Definitely some important information here!

this is supa awesome.  i do think it should be noted that side effects of EC *really* vary.  when I took EC I didn’t have any symptoms whatsoever.  

The more you know~

When I took EC, my period went missing for three months. Freaked me the hell out, despite having negative pregnancy tests. You cannot imagine how relieved I was to have it back.

(Source: rememberthstars)

Suddenly, every song was about you.

loving you in six words (via say-cheesecake)

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via disappolnted)

(Source: feellng)

silohouettes:

I hate when a person says they’ve had a bad day and everyone, instead of trying to cheer them up, enters a competition of who’s had the shittest life

My roommates and I play a game called “brah” where every time you see a guy in a pair of these shorts, you hit the person next to you and say “BRAH”. It’s sort of like slug bug.

My roommates and I play a game called “brah” where every time you see a guy in a pair of these shorts, you hit the person next to you and say “BRAH”. It’s sort of like slug bug.

(Source: taylorandtiffany)

veganvibez:

do you know how scary it is to acknowledge how strong your feelings are for someone and your brain is like “maybe you love them” and you’re like SHUT THE FUCK UP BRAIN YOU DONT KNOW SHIT

I AM TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT RIGHT NOW

If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exceptions.

He’s Just Not That Into You (via allforthemems)

This

(via arctic-veins)

uglygirlsclub:

don’t date anyone who doesn’t want to hear your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, read your favorite book

rosietheriveter:

remember: if you want to be taken seriously as a female sports fan you must have watched the sport for a minimum of 27 years, be able to recall the entire roster from last year and 1983, never insinuate that a player is the least bit attractive, and memorize the rule book backwards in Cantonese

ohvegeta:


Me as an old lady. Me now. Me forever.

ohvegeta:

Me as an old lady. Me now. Me forever.

(Source: nooneeverknows)

iammagicitself:

# still the best moment in a tv show ever

(Source: princesconsuela)

theimpalaslovechild:

and in that moment, everyone’s heart broke